Monday, March 30, 2020

Kealia Ohai’s fiance is a surprisingly decent football player

After soccer star Kealia Ohai was traded from the Houston Dash to the Chicago Red Stars earlier this week, fans found some interesting information about Ohai’s fiance.

Sepp Blatter leaves FIFA to take over Jackie Robinson West All-Stars

In a move that almost makes too much sense, embattled FIFA President Sepp Blatter has announced he will be leaving soccer’s governing body so that he can bring his much needed leadership skills to the JRW All-Stars, Chicago’s controversial Little League team.

Germany scores two additional goals against Brazil on drive back to hotel

"I'm honestly not sure how it happened," midfielder Toni Kroos, who had two goals during regulation, told reporters shortly after absentmindedly kicking a soccer ball out the window of his moving vehicle which miraculously managed to find the back of a random net being tended by Brazilian goalkeeper Julio Cesar.

U.S. soccer fan unable to find Belgium on South American map

"I bet these stupid Belgish people are from a country dumber than Chile or Argentinaguay," said Woodson. "If only I could find it on this map. Where is it, next to Panamarica or something?"

Hope Solo and Billy the Cub to headline UFC 174

Looking to capitalize on their recent turn in the headlines, UFC President Dana White has announced that USA Women’s Soccer Goalie Hope Solo as well as unlicensed Cubs mascot Billy the Cub will be headlining "UFC 174 A Bone crushing Breakdown in the Detroit is for Lovers MetroLink Subaru Station Wagon Mini-van Stadium."

Luis Suarez to release personalized version of Hungry Hungry Hippos

After creating controversy by yet again biting an opponent during a 1-0 victory over Italy, Uruguayan forward Luis Suarez has announced that he plans to release a version of the popular children's game, Hungry...

Goodell asks NFL Players Union to take soccer style names

Some players have hired public relations firms to find names for them. Among monikers floated to the media are "Omaha," for Peyton Manning. Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski will be called "Boinggggg!"