Just hours after routing Brazil in the World Cup semifinals, the German National Team managed to score two additional goals on the drive back to their hotel, bringing the final score of the lopsided match to 9-1.

“I’m honestly not sure how it happened,” midfielder Toni Kroos, who had two goals during regulation, told reporters shortly after absentmindedly kicking a soccer ball out the window of his moving vehicle which miraculously managed to find the back of a random net being tended by Brazilian goalkeeper Julio Cesar.  “We didn’t need to score after our five-goal barrage to start the game, but we really didn’t need to score after the game was over and the home team had been properly humiliated. We just can’t stop, I guess.”

When asked for comment regarding the overall effort of his team, Brazil manager Luiz Felipe Scolari broke down in tears, at which point another soccer ball kicked by the Germans appeared out of nowhere to trickle into a nearby net.


Jeff GoodSmith