NHL

"The summer of 2010 was the absolute worst," said Kane's liver, referring to the Hawks' prior Stanley Cup summer of celebration. "Patrick drank like he had three of us."

"So we're going to ship Crawford and Toews off to Florida for a few minor leaguers who can only skate backward," said Bowman. "That should save us at least $5,000 of cap space, which will be great when we need to find a way to gas up the Zamboni we'll acquire when we deal Keith and $5 million in cash to the Kings."

"Glove side, shmove side, I say," said Mike Milbury of NBC Sports. "He led them to a Cup just like I always knew he would ... but I didn't want to say it out loud and just state the obvious."

"I had nearly a billion dollars to spend," said Ricketts, "and instead of buying the Blackhawks and perhaps three or four additional NHL teams I could have afforded with that type of cash, I decided to spend it all on a team called the 'Loveable Losers.' Not one of my better moments."

"Tough luck in Game 6," One Naperville fan told media sources. "I really thought we could come away with the win tonight after we stopped so many chances in the first period. But, at home, I think we can really take home the cup."

"With Toews and Kaner finally getting on the score sheet, it's just a matter of time before we take home the cup. Hawks in 6!" the Lisle, Illinois resident told co-workers this morning, a mere 24 hours after telling the same office-mates that the Bruins "just wanted it more" and that there was "no stopping Rask."

"It will really help me get my confidence back on the glove side," Crawford said. "This foam finger is just comically massive so it will be much better at getting in the way of the puck than my glove ever was. It will cushion the blow more too."