The much-maligned glove hand of Blackhawks goalie Corey Crawford is due for a major upgrade after he gave up 5 goals on that side in Game 4 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Crawford asked the Hawks equipment manager to find something more effective to go on his left hand, since he uses the catching glove about as well as a Cubs infielder. The equipment guy came back with an old dusty oversized foam finger that proclaims the Blackhawks are #1 and told Crawford to use it in Game 5.

“It will really help me get my confidence back on the glove side,” Crawford said. “This foam finger is just comically massive so it will be much better at getting in the way of the puck than my glove ever was. It will cushion the blow more too. I think there’s a psychological factor in play as well. When the Bruins are on an odd-man rush towards me, they’ll see this huge thing that says ‘Blackhawks #1’ and realize that we’re the best and cannot be beaten!”

The Hawks equipment manager took an extra step to fortify the protruding finger part of the goalie’s new technology. He inserted a small steel rod through the middle of it so it won’t bend when it gets hit. It will also double as a weapon for Crawford to give scumbags like Brad Marchand a jab if they get too close to him. With all of this going for him, the Blackhawks fully expect Crawford to put on a dominant performance in Game 5.


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