Friday, January 15, 2021

Bears unable to find Jimmy Graham after game-ending TD

"Yeah, it's true," said head coach Matt Nagy. "Jimmy left the field right after that play and we're not sure where he wound up."

Cubs fans beg team to trade Todd Ricketts next

As the Cubs' apparent sell-off of 2020 continues, fans are pleading with Jed Hoyer to make part-owner Todd Ricketts the next member of the team to be shipped out of town.

Cubs look to hire bad Harry Caray impersonating twins to replace Len Kasper

"Our budget constraints are forcing us to think outside the box to find Len's replacement."

Todd Ricketts awarded Medal of Freedom and honorary doctorate from Trump University

"President Trump awarded me an honorary doctorate from his esteemed university," said Ricketts. "From now on, call me Dr. Todd Ricketts."

Remaining Cubs rush to claim Schwarber’s walk-up music

The news that Kyle Schwarber and the Cubs were likely parting ways had barely broke when Dante Deiana's phone started lighting up.

Financially destitute baseball team decides it can’t afford the luxury of a .188 hitter

The down-and-out Chicago Cubs have decided to part ways with Kyle Schwarber after a miserable 2020 campaign in which the misplaced left-fielder struggled mightily at the plate.

LaRussa drunk-dials Tim Anderson

Less than a day after Tony LaRussa's February 2020 DUI arrest broke, the new White Sox skipper attempted to break the ice with Tim Anderson by placing a long-awaited phone call to the team's star shortstop. There was only one problem.