Fans and analysts love comparing players and teams from different eras, but Stephen A. Smith took these comparisons to a whole new level.
“Most owners like the deal because stadiums will already be full. Players like it because they get paid to do one-third of the work,” said mediator Ron Carter. “And Commissioner Bettman is ecstatic because it abolishes all Canadian teams except for one.”
“It’s no secret we’ve been shopping Jay [Cutler] and have been unsuccessful in the process,” admitted Pace. “His bloated contract and lack of supporting credentials has clearly handcuffed our ability to improve. However, when news of this championship broke, it undoubtedly boosted his market value overnight!”
“We may have made a mistake,” said Putin. “What person would not want to grab this man by his face and kiss both cheeks more times than normal social etiquette would call for?”
“This year, I discovered my ability to grow the beard of a 50-year-old lumberjack within minutes,” said Saad.