“We’ve already won a few,” said Warriors guard Steph Curry, “so we’re good with just packing it in now. We love our fans and it’d be great to add another ring to this hand but I’d rather eat one of LeBron’s socks after an OT loss than have to go to D.C. these days.”
The Bulls today announced the hiring of Doug Collins as a senior advisor of basketball operations and -- perhaps more importantly -- as a backup shooting guard.
Eager to finally do something right on draft night, the Bulls dealt All-Star Jimmy Butler to the Timberwolves for Kris Dunn, Zach LaVine and the seventh pick, which was used to select some tall dude from Finland. Bulls VP of basketball operations John Paxson explained the move to reporters, saying fans "no longer had a reason to care" about the team for a while.
“This is my team,” screamed Butler according to sources. “I’m carving the damn turkey! I was here when it was just me, Tony Snell and Cam Bairstow eating sad green bean casserole and the weird Spanish ham that Pau brought. I’ve earned my place.”