Sport

With his latest magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) test scheduled for Monday morning – his 347th such exam over the past five years – Rose has decided to take up permanent residence in the MRI machine at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. Working closely with his doctors, they have determined that Rose will remain in there for the next three to five years.

"What's the use?" Matheny asked stunned St.Louis reporters. "The Cubs booted us from the postseason, they sign our Game One starter for less money than we offered, they take our best player for less money than we offered and I'm left with the wretched refuse -- and those are just the fans."

"When they said I was the longest-tenured Cubs player, I thought, wait that can't be right," Bryant told reporters. "I feel like Rizzo's been with us for a while, but apparently he wasn't even on the roster as of June of 2012. So, huh, I guess my less-than-a-year with the team makes me the most veteran member on the club."

Struggling for the perfect gift to give your favorite Blackhawks fan? We've got the answer for you: Send them to The Heckler's Hawks-Penguins outing and pre-party Jan. 6 in Chicago. Only a few spots...

Castro's walk-up song, "Ando En La Versace" by Domincan singer Omega, gained notoriety throughout the 2015 season as teammates and fans vigorously clapped to the beat while the shortstop-turned-second baseman walked to the plate. Now the battle is on to inherit it.

"Ask any fan and they'll tell you we have all the money in the world," said Epstein. "Plus, signing stars is so easy because other teams typically don't get involved in the bidding, and we know there will always be money left over to lock in our current players when their contracts are up."

"Hey, at least most of the country will be passed out by 6 or 7 in a turkey-induced food coma," said Bears quarterback Jay Cutler. "They might not even notice the game. Did we get beat by three touchdowns or was it a close ballgame? Most people probably won't even know until after the weekend."