After trading away Starlin Castro, the last Cubs player to be acquired before Theo Epstein took over the front office, the team has announced that the player who has been on the Cubs the longest is, paradoxically, reigning NL Rookie of the Year Kris Bryant, who played his first game as a Cub in April.

“When they said I was the longest-tenured Cubs player, I thought, wait that can’t be right,” Bryant told reporters. “I feel like Rizzo’s been with us for a while, but apparently he wasn’t even on the roster as of June of 2012. So, huh, I guess my less-than-a-year with the team makes me the most veteran member on the club.”

When agent Scott Boras, who this year filed a grievance over the Cubs delaying Bryant’s call-up from the minors, was asked if he in fact leaked this dubious sounding statistic to the media as a way to gain leverage in negotiations, he said, “Of course not! It’s obvious Bryant has played longer than established stars such as Russell and Schwarber. Can you name a Cub that’s been on the team longer? Don’t answer that. This interview is over.”

Jeff GoodSmith