NFL

A Boston man nearing the end of his professional career this week announced he was moving his family to Florida to prepare for retirement.

"Oh yes, back in finishing school all my classmates sure were sweet on Jimmy," said McCaskey. "Of course, this was during World War II and many of the boys our age were overseas giving hell to the enemy forces."

The man now dubbed "Johnny Hero" jumped off of his inflatable party swan, grabbed the girl’s T-One Mobile Sidekick away from her and then -- while in mid-air -- found time to take a picture of himself giving his patented cash money sign, all before safely landing on a pile of rolled up hundreds he had misplaced earlier in the evening.

Holed up in his North Carolina home on Wednesday, Bears’ quarterback Mitchell Trubisky received quite a shock while watching NFL Network, when the scroll across the bottom of the screen confirmed Chicago’s trade for former Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles to replace him as the team’s starting signal caller.

Bears head coach Matt Nagy said the team will pick up where it ended the 2019 season by continuing to shelter in place during the 2020 season.

Here are five reasons to be excited for the remainder of the season and five reasons to load up on the Malort.

The Heckler has obtained a secret internal document from Halas Hall not only confirming the injury report was false but also a list of dozens of other injuries/maladies the Bears plan to use in future games where Trubisky struggles.