The 97-year-old owner of the Chicago Bears said today she authorized the signing of tight end Jimmy Graham because she had a crush on him in high school.

“Oh yes, back in finishing school all my classmates sure were sweet on Jimmy,” said McCaskey. “Of course, this was during World War II and many of the boys our age were overseas giving hell to the enemy forces.”

McCaskey added that when given the chance to sign Graham to a contract, she didn’t bat an eye.

“Sure, many folks in football thought we were crazy to guarantee $9 million to a geriatric player, but there aren’t many of us still around these days,” said McCaskey. “Plus it’s not like I can trust that nincompoop Ryan Pace to make a good decision on his own.”

Idea from Ken G.