If you thought the reason the Bears gave for removing Mitchell Trubisky for Chase Daniel in the fourth quarter of their Sunday night loss to the Rams (hip) was suspicious hold on to your Ditka: The Heckler has obtained a secret internal document from Halas Hall not only confirming the injury report was false but also a list of dozens of other injuries/maladies the Bears plan to use in future games where Trubisky struggles.

For your reading pleasure we have listed the top five:
1 – MGSD (Myles Garrett Stress Disorder) – After last Thursday’s events in the Cleveland/Pittsburgh game every player on the opposing defense looks like no. 95 of the Browns ready to attack him with a helmet.
2 – Jock itch
3 – Random dyslexia attack, couldn’t read or communicate plays to teammates.
4 – You know that stuff that happened to Tua. That stuff.
5 – Jordan Howard separation anxiety attack – Watching Cohen & Montgomery repeatedly slamming into the line for 2.5 yards a pop from his vantage point almost gave him whiplash.
6 – He Gronked his groin.
7 – Forgot to get his flu shot. It’s cold & flu season, be sure to get your flu shot people.
8 – Load mis-management.
9 – Sacked back.
10 – Ingrown eyebrow/eye

Patrick Olson