Friday, April 12, 2024

Cubs surprise everyone by moving to Schaumburg in middle of night

Stealing a page from the old Baltimore Colts, who quickly packed their bags and took off in U-Hauls for Indianapolis in the middle of the night, the Cubs stole away to Schaumburg during the wee hours of the morning Friday. They left a note signed by Tom Ricketts in their "Little League" locker room in Wrigley Field that only said, "We'll call you."

Cubs fans upset about having to go all the way from 720 to 780...

The Cubs announced Tuesday that they'd be leaving their long-time radio home 720 WGN-AM for a competitor, CBS-owned 780 WBBM-AM. Naturally, many fans of the team were outraged at a change they see as a break in tradition and major inconvenience.

Cubs to feature ‘All-PED-Enhanced’ lineup in 2015

"We have come to the realization that the league's approach to banned substances was all backwards," Epstein told reporters. "The problem was not the 'rogue abuser' but the 'goody two-shoes' holdouts who refused to dope. PEDs are a powerful tool, and they are going to power us all the way to the World Series."

Cubs using Kickstarter campaign to try re-signing Jeff Samardzija

Still hoping to sign their star pitcher to a long-term contract, the Cubs are claiming a lack of the cash needed to do so. Rather than open up their own wallet, the team is turning to crowd-funding website Kickstarter to raise the money needed to re-sign Samardzjia.

Samardzija claims health of economy hinges on his future contract

“You probably don’t know this about me, but I really know how to invest money,” said Samardzija. “We’re talking stocks, bonds, various hair care products, a giant pirate flag for my front lawn. Like an old flag from a real pirate ship. That has to cost a lot, right? I can totally turn this thing around."

‘Family friendly’ Cubs back out of Budweiser deal in favor of Welch’s Grape Juice

“We realize that we had agreed to replace Old Style with Bud, but at the same time we’re actively trying to make the game day experience much more fun for families,” said Cubs Business President Crane Kenney.

Geico un-sponsors Blackhawks defense

“We stand for low, low rates on car insurance,” said company representative Ray Reed. “But one thing you can’t skimp on is clearing skaters out of the crease. It doesn’t take a caveman to know that. Remember them? The Geico cavemen? They briefly had a sitcom. Wow.”