In a bizarre coincidence, 28-year-old Steve Kowalski of Chicago tore his medial meniscus at the "14th Annual Kowalski Turkey Bowl" early Thursday morning. It was the exact injury Derrick Rose suffered last Friday.
"Shots to the knees shorten careers while headhunting leads to long-term CTE issues," said NFLPA executive director DeMaurice Smith. "But your testicles? What's the worst that can happen, low sperm count?"
"Gronk want strong! Gronk no want new ouch. Ouch make Gronk cry sad, no football play."
“The random timeouts, his inability to get plays out on the field, they all make sense now,” said QB Jay Cutler. “Coach Smith had to wait for his own personal Tyler Durden to saunter in and tell him what to do.”
"Whether or not he needs a colostomy remains to be seen," Whitman said. "We are also running tests to see if Mark is suffering from concussion problems after the play."
Bears leadership is urging fans not to worry that Brian Urlacher emerged from surprise surgery on his knee Tuesday morning with a bloody stump where his lower leg used to be.
Lost in the headlines saying Jay Cutler butchered the 7th Inning Stretch at Wrigley Saturday afternoon, was that injuries suffered during the hit Cutler took when throwing out the game's first pitch will force him to miss the entire 2012 season.