“You know, I just did what any other good-headed, I mean hearted, citizen would do in that situation,” said the 45-year-old Buck, with the plane’s tire marks still just barely visible on his alien-like cranium.
“We have to be more careful about which celebrity so-called ‘fans’ we let into our cheering sections,” said U.S. goalie Tim Howard. “The bandwagon is only big enough to support serious fans who want to get into soccer, our teams, and our countries. However, we must draw the line at these celebrity frontrunners.”
"This terrible situation has taught me a very valuable lesson," said Rice. "Never, ever hit your wife in a place where there could be security cameras recording your actions for all the world to see."
"Mr. Winston is young, high profile, with great long-term earning potential and always seeming to get caught up in some sort of legal drama," said the publication's business editor Bill Freeman. "That's a defense attorney's dream right there."
Clippers owner Donald Sterling was banned from the NBA for life and fined $2.5 million by Commissioner Adam Silver today, who stressed what he called the most valuable takeaway from this shameful episode.
"I know Donald Sterling is a racist and a horrible human being," said Musberger . "With that said, the awesomeness of his super-smokin’ hot girlfriend must not go ignored.