This upcoming week, local Bears fan Brian Morgan, owner of team "Kissin Cousins Titties" is attempting to start Eddie Jackson at the flex position on his fantasy team.
Mankato, Minn., resident Calvin Schroeder concluded a 48-hour period of much soul-searching Friday by announcing that he needs to “get this right” by cutting running back Adrian Peterson from his fantasy football roster.
"This will give the league a ton of exposure," said Vinnie Andruzzi, commissioner of the Rex Ryan Puts The "Foot" In Football League. "Maybe we can have our draft televised on Fox Sports 1 to help it get better ratings."
"Some of the guys I'd rather have on my roster than Valbuena are actually dead and they'll still do less damage to a fantasy roster than Valbuena.," said one fantasy expert. "He's just that bad."
Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg today announced a ban on all status updates about users' fantasy football teams, citing millions of annoyed subscribers.
Fantasy football specialists across the country run the risk of pleasing or disappointing millions of followers each week. When each supposed “expert” makes his picks, literally millions of fantasy football players are hanging onto every word. That’s why this week, fantasy gurus everywhere are elated at the proposition that Cam Newton has to sit out.
"My five keepers are Josh Hamilton, Prince Fielder, Matt Cain, Starlin Castro and Adam Wainright," said Fitzsimmons. "I'm going to be stacked next year."