Fantasy football specialists across the country run the risk of pleasing or disappointing millions of followers each week.  When each supposed “expert” makes his picks, literally millions of fantasy football players are hanging onto every word. That’s why this week, fantasy gurus everywhere are elated at the proposition that Cam Newton has to sit out.

“I’ve been ranking that a-hole in the top five all year, and he gives me crap!” said  “Marvin the Miracle” of Now I can recommend that people play him, and they actually won’t be disappointed. He’s expected to score zero points, and I guarantee he’ll hit that.  It’s my ‘sleeper lock of the week’!”

Fantasy owner Ralph Masterson of Edgerton, Wisc., was extremely pleased to hear about the rating.

“My whole team has been decimated due to injuries and the bye week,” Masterson said.  “I had to decide between Jim McMahon or the ghost of Jim Brown. Neither seemed like appealing propositions. But at least with Cam, I know I’ll get more production out of him this week than any week before!  He’s gold!”

Manny L. Scoreboard