Monday, April 15, 2024

Bettman admits to suspending ailing Toews ‘for fun’

“This commissioner gig is pretty sweet if you can get it,” said Bettman. “I must admit, it certainly makes me chuckle thinking how mad Johnny must be, with his little serious cheeks, and that he’s too weak to summon the energy."

46-year-old Patrick Kane reports to Blackhawks training camp

"I appreciate the question, I really do," said Kane after reading a canned statement. "But I'm only here to discuss hockey, not my excessive wrinkles, thinning hair and sunken facial features."

Juice scandal rocks Little League World Series

The sports world was rocked today by the revelation that a majority of the Little League World Series players in the championship game tested positive for juice. “We’re stunned,” said LLWS executive director Greg Anderson. “This is not part of our core values.”

Judge throws out Aaron Hernandez case after defense shows sick highlight reel

“We knew going in that this was our ace in the hole,” Sultan told reporters. “Nobody—judge, jury, or executioner—can deny that skills this nasty belong on a football field, not locked in a cell."

Heckler Column: The fall of Kobe Bryant

Oh, how far the mighty can fall due to selfishness. After recently reading an article about Kobe Bryant, (ESPN the Magazine), I can no longer ignore the Mamba’s problems. He’s out of control because he’s trying to hold on to it, and While the sports world spends it’s time defending Bryant, I believe the root of the Lakers problems is found in No. 24 himself.

Adrian Peterson to play next week because Goodell says ‘Everything’s cool now’

"If two games were good for Ray's initial suspension, one game is good for Adrian his abuse case is of his four-year-old son, who's only about one-eighth the size of Ray's wife."

MLB announces in-game PED testing

After viewing a recent "60 Minutes" episode demonstrating that some PEDs can be taken as late as the fifth inning of a game and completely dissipate by the end of the game, Major League Baseball announced it will begin testing players for performance-enhancing drugs during games this season.