With a little over a month until opening day, the Cubs will look to start the season on a high note by building a dome over Wrigley Field to hotbox their fans.
After finally opening up their wallets to make a big offseason splash in the signing of Steven Souza, the now-cash-strapped Cubs have been forced to cancel their team’s Netflix account in order to make ends meet.
With the world teetering on the verge of nuclear destruction, the Cubs have decided to not make any moves this offseason until they are sure that there is anyone alive left to sign at all.
“No boos, only boobs,” said Trump, as the White House furiously worked to put his newly coined phrase onto 25-cent trucker hats, to sell at $40 a pop to fight the war on socialism
After an illustrious career of being the most successful magician to play the game of baseball, right-handed batter, Javy Baez, who bats right-handed, by the way, will head off into the sunset of baseball retirement with 2,999 hits.
Fans can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that baseball games are about to become much safer, after the MLB announced that they will allow fans to bring in guns to shoot down potentially dangerous projectile foul balls.
The much-anticipated matchup between the Phillies and Cubs will be delayed until 8 tonight to allow Kris Bryant and Bryce Harper to properly reconnect with a one-hour bro hug. The two Las Vegas natives, who were once thought as a lock to be playing together on the North side (did you know Bryce Harper’s […]