Stealing a page from the old Baltimore Colts, who quickly packed their bags and took off in U-Hauls for Indianapolis in the middle of the night, the Cubs stole away to Schaumburg during the wee hours of the morning Friday. They left a note signed by Tom Ricketts in their “Little League” locker room in Wrigley Field that only said, “We’ll call you.”

No one affiliated with the Cubs is returning calls from the media. The only indication the Cubs fled for Schaumburg is a blueprint of the Schaumburg Ikea they left underneath Wrigley Field’s bleachers, where dungeons resembling makeshift bullpens were being considered. The blueprint is retrofitted to show a huge baseball stadium within the midst of Ikea and comes replete with a monster scoreboard in right field. It appears to be a a state-of-the-art and humongous scoreboard, and a sound system that’s out of this world. And a roof, although Ikea already provides the roof.

By Rob Christiansen