Groupies

When the 26-foot tall statue of screen legend Marilyn Monroe was unveiled on Michigan Avenue earlier this month, many around town were questioning her relevance to Chicago and appropriateness of her easy-to-view underwear. However, none of this criticism mattered to Blackhawks winger/babe-hound Patrick Kane who was spotted canoodling with the statue while drunk late Monday night after watching the White Sox-Tigers game at U.S. Cellular Field.

"Look, I'm a complete horn-dog and I need to publicly embrace the type of lifestyle I clearly prefer," said Woods. "Cassie and Lizzie are terrible caddies, but they help me merge my two passions in life: golf and sordid sexual urges."

Soriano could be seen being approached by one or even a small group of women. And who was in the stroller to attract these ladies? “Tony Campana, man,” said Soriano. “Dude is a complete magnet for chicks.”

"Oh my god. How's his face?" asked Jacquelyn Witkowski of Barrington, a self-described "jersey-chaser" who's never met Sharp or any of his teammates. "They didn't have to cut his face, did they?"

Patriots TE Rob Gronkowski announced Monday he will be retiring from football immediately to focus on his first love of having sex with porn stars, which is how he reportedly spent his bye week after photos of him with 20-year-old porn star BiBi Jones were posted to Twitter last week.

Two media phenomenons collided today when a blogger posted a sexually suggestive headline about Tim Tebow and Kim Kardashian for no other reason than to drive traffic to his blog and hopefully break the Internet.

Tim Tebow could have had his pick of the litter after leading the Broncos to an improbable overtime victory over the Steelers. The Denver quarterback was propositioned by 316 different women after the game but the Christian quarterback politely declined each woman's advances.