East

“I was kicking back with a few cold ones and one of my pies just after the season ended, and I noticed one of Mo’s bobbleheads on the counter," he said. "I set it in motion, and it moved so fluidly -- just like Mo’s delivery -- and the gears started turning.”

Embattled Jaguars coach Urban Meyer issued an apology Tuesday morning, saying he will mend his ways after a scandalous video surfaced involving him dancing suggestively with a much younger woman who wasn't...

"I know we have the reputation of being a loser, but have you looked at Cleveland's roster?" said Generals coach and owner Red Klotz. "They won 19 games last year. And don't get me started on teams like the T'Wolves, Bucks, Pacers, Raptors, Warriors, Kings, Bobcats and Wizards. Our ball boys could give some of these shitty teams a run for their money."

As soon as the cheerleader-less Packers and Steelers advanced to Super Bowl XLV, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones immediately went about the task of putting together the largest cheerleader team in history by hiring every stripper in the state of Texas.

Upon the arrival of Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger for the Super Bowl, Dallas area women have been arming to the teeth to defend themselves against the two-time accused sexual assaulter. Local bartender Susie ‘Bulldog’...

“With Lockout Edition, you generate points on what a player does off the field, instead of on it,” said an ESPN.com representative. “Points will be awarded based on players who get charged with a DUI, murder, rape, possession of a firearm, possession of a controlled substance, animal cruelty, and so on.”

Under strict orders to avoid the Dallas nightclub scene, Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been forced to scope the ladies at less-than-ideal venues, such as local steak house chain Texas Land & Cattle.