Monday, November 30, 2020

Rutgers boldly predicts undefeated 2020 football season

Rutgers football coach Greg Schiano made a bold prediction today.

Rutgers names Bobby Knight new provost

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a Rutgers source said the university is no longer pursuing politically correct hires. “Clearly we have no skill whatsoever in hiring the right people. So we decided the hire the wrongest person we could find.”

Canucks to give away bobbleheads of Luongo sitting on the bench

"Even if Luongo starts a game, he usually gives up a flurry of goals and gets pulled anyway so we felt the fans deserved an accurate portrayal of our inconsistent goalie," said Trent Carroll, EVP of Sales & Marketing for the Canucks.

Big East to add Hamburger University, Clown College, and the School of Rock

The question remains whether the Big East realizes that these are not actual institutions of higher learning with athletic programs, but their interest in them should be of no surprise – it’s money.

Jets lineman to IR with butt injury after boneheaded Mark Sanchez play

"Whether or not he needs a colostomy remains to be seen," Whitman said. "We are also running tests to see if Mark is suffering from concussion problems after the play."

WNBA’s topless 2012 draft fails as only lonely creeps are interested

Contrary to popular belief, the WNBA still exists, and league officials are pulling out all the stops to gain interest. This year's 2012 WNBA draft was held earlier this week, in a VFW hall outside of Newark, N.J., and was "top optional" to generate interest in the failing league.

Mikhail Prokhorov has David Stern assassinated for not making Magic trade Dwight Howard to...

Reportedly, the murder was arranged by Nets' Russian owner Mikhail Prokhorov who presumably used his contacts in the Russian mafia to have Stern "taken out" for not forcing Otis Smith and the Magic to trade Dwight Howard to New Jersey by the trade deadline last week.