As soon as the cheerleader-less Packers and Steelers advanced to Super Bowl XLV, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones immediately went about the task of putting together the largest cheerleader team in history by hiring every stripper in the state of Texas.
“Having no cheerleaders at a Super Bowl in Dallas is simply unacceptable.” Jones said. “In addition to our famous Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, we decided to go around the state and hire every girl we thought could help out. Some of these girls aren’t technically cheerleaders but their talents as strippers more than make up for that.”
While the immediate run up to the Super Bowl has been about Aaron Rodgers and the Packers offense against Troy Polamalu and the Steelers defense, Jerry Jones is hoping to change that.
“People have come to expect a certain level of tackiness with all things Cowboys, and this will be no different,” Jones said. “If the Packers or Steelers want to pay any of these young women to support their team, tips must be included, then they can dress them up in their knee length skirts and sweaters. If not, all 10,000 of them will be in their Dallas Cowboy best.”
Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger was moved by the Jones’ dedication.
“This is the best news I’ve heard since, uhh never mind,” said Roethlisberger. “I love playing for Pittsburgh, I always have a good team and the fans don’t seem to care about my lack of morals, but no cheerleaders, come on. I’m glad Jerry fixed that situation in the best way possible.”