After a warrant for Odell Beckham's arrest was issued for battery on an officer in the locker room after the National Championship, the Cowboys have expressed interest in the Browns' star receiver.
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones announced Monday that he hired Mike McCarthy as the team's new coach he would exhaustively micromanage until firing after a few seasons.
“I remember back in the 1990s when our entire team lived at Turtle Creek,” said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. “Those were some great times, and I’m excited to be able to reconnect with many of our old friends there.”
“I feel good about this season,” the 275-pound Fielder said. “This is the first spring training I’ve shown up to where I don’t feel like I can get any bigger, so that can only mean good things for me.”
"No receiver in the history of the game has ever retained possession of the ball forever, thereby ending the play with what must be ruled an incomplete pass," said Fox's Mike Pereira.
"After much calculation, we've determined there is simply not enough Botox in the world to fix what ails Mr. Jones," said a spokesman for the global health agency. "It's unclear if surgery would even be able to reverse the cumulative effects of owning the Cowboys at this point."
"While the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders both have rabid fan bases and plenty of experience as franchises, the other bubble teams just look a bit more relevant heading into the season," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.