Thursday, February 29, 2024

The 8 Stages of Preparing For Monday Night Football

From waking up excited to watching the actual game, the path from Monday morning to Monday night is a roller coaster of emotions.

Ryan brothers hold their own ‘Bro Bowl’ over electric football game in dad’s basement

"I guarantee I'm going to win the Bro Bowl," Rex boasted during the pregame spread of chicken wings, nachos and Budweiser. "With Mark Sanchez as my triple-threat quarterback, there's no way my hack of a brother can take me down!"

Jerry Jones considers placing Dez Bryant on IR, adding himself to roster

"There is a certain former all-conference free agent out there I've had my eye on for awhile," Jones said as he turned to face the gigantic mirror that lines an entire wall of his suite. "Yes sir. Just the guy for the job."

Josh Hamilton excitedly calculates how much coke he can buy with $125 million

"Well, I've still got a mortgage on my house in Texas, so I'll probably need to save about a million a year to pay for that and to get myself a nice condo in Cali. So at this point, the maximum amount I can set aside for coke would be $24 million each year, right everybody?"

NFL promotes Sunday night Cowboys-Eagles game as ‘2012 Irrelevance Bowl’

"Well, I had to throw Philly a bone and give them a game in prime time they could win," he said. "Plus it gives us a new game to market. With any luck, the 2012 Irrelevance Bowl will be at least twice as popular as the 2012 Pro Bowl."

Hilarious Cowboys think ugly win over Browns somehow makes them relevant

Despite barely squeaking past the hapless Cleveland Browns in overtime, Dallas Cowboys coaches and players rejoiced on Sunday, believing their inept offense had turned a corner or something.

Romo has ‘awesome dream’ about only being sacked 24 times in Bears game

"Obviously the number will be closer to 50 or 60," he said. "But a guy can dream, right? I mean maybe their entire line will forget to board the plane, and then their linebackers will only get to me a handful of times a series."