After a warrant for Odell Beckham's arrest was issued for battery on an officer in the locker room after the National Championship, the Cowboys have expressed interest in the Browns' star receiver.
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones announced Monday that he hired Mike McCarthy as the team's new coach he would exhaustively micromanage until firing after a few seasons.
“I remember back in the 1990s when our entire team lived at Turtle Creek,” said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. “Those were some great times, and I’m excited to be able to reconnect with many of our old friends there.”
"No receiver in the history of the game has ever retained possession of the ball forever, thereby ending the play with what must be ruled an incomplete pass," said Fox's Mike Pereira.
"After much calculation, we've determined there is simply not enough Botox in the world to fix what ails Mr. Jones," said a spokesman for the global health agency. "It's unclear if surgery would even be able to reverse the cumulative effects of owning the Cowboys at this point."
From waking up excited to watching the actual game, the path from Monday morning to Monday night is a roller coaster of emotions.
"I guarantee I'm going to win the Bro Bowl," Rex boasted during the pregame spread of chicken wings, nachos and Budweiser. "With Mark Sanchez as my triple-threat quarterback, there's no way my hack of a brother can take me down!"