"There is a certain former all-conference free agent out there I've had my eye on for awhile," Jones said as he turned to face the gigantic mirror that lines an entire wall of his suite. "Yes sir. Just the guy for the job."
"Well, I had to throw Philly a bone and give them a game in prime time they could win," he said. "Plus it gives us a new game to market. With any luck, the 2012 Irrelevance Bowl will be at least twice as popular as the 2012 Pro Bowl."
Despite barely squeaking past the hapless Cleveland Browns in overtime, Dallas Cowboys coaches and players rejoiced on Sunday, believing their inept offense had turned a corner or something.
"Obviously the number will be closer to 50 or 60," he said. "But a guy can dream, right? I mean maybe their entire line will forget to board the plane, and then their linebackers will only get to me a handful of times a series."
"Right now, the nation really can't stand either one of them," said ESPN analyst Chris Mortensen. "Who can rise to the occasion and leapfrog past the other to become only the second most loathed quarterback in the country remains to be seen."
At approximately 10:03 EST, Wednesday night, Yahoo! Sports reported that its fantasy football servers crashed for approximately 25 minutes after over 8 million searches occurred for one player: Kevin Ogletree.
Team names are fun, but they don't always accurately reflect a franchise's players and fans. Here at The Heckler, we've created a few alternate names and logos that are more descriptive of the teams they represent.