Cowboys owner Jerry Jones announced Monday that he hired Mike McCarthy as the team’s new coach he would exhaustively micromanage until firing after a few seasons.

“We’re very excited to have Mike lead us into the next decade,” said Jones. “It will be a decade in which I meddle in his business nonstop and then fire him in January 2024 after our fourth-straight mediocre season where we fail to make the playoffs despite planning in a very weak division.”

Jones elaborated on his micromanagement plans.

“I haven’t ruled anything out,” said Jones. “I’m sure I’ll do my usual post-game interview after every loss where I openly question play-calling and other on-the-field decisions. I’ll probably also call in mandatory play selections mid-game, force draft picks and free-agent signings that don’t match the coach’s system, and much, much more.”

Added Jones: “It’ll really be something and I can’t wait for it.”