Saturday was cutdown day for the NFL, and the league was forced to make some difficult decisions to get its roster of teams for the 2014 season down to the 30-team maximum.

“While the Dallas Cowboys and Oakland Raiders both have rabid fan bases and plenty of experience as franchises, the other bubble teams just look a bit more relevant heading into the season,” said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell. “You’ve got Johnny Manziel over there in Cleveland, so we can’t cut them. And Adrian Peterson makes the Vikings somewhat acceptable. At the end of the day, it’s just a gut decision, really.”

“We’re hopeful Dallas and Oakland can clear waivers, so we can sign them to the practice roster instead of losing them to the Canadian Football League, or worse yet, NFL Europe,” added Goodell. “We don’t need a repeat of what happened to the Oilers.”

Among the reasons cited for the Cowboys’ dismissal was their lack of defense, shaky QB situation, laughingstock owner and of course the fact that 93% of America hates them.

“As for the Raiders, have you seen their owner’s haircut?” asked Goodell. “I mean, really.”