Thursday, March 28, 2024

Yankee savior Alfonso Soriano tests positive for being an Ex-Cub

The sample was compared to a blood test conducted during his time with the Cubs and they realized that leaving the Cubs actually improved Soriano's DNA to the point that he became an effective baseball player again.

Johnny Manziel wins ESPY for Perseverance

Previous recipients played an entire season through unbelievable adversity. However, none of those people could hold a candle to the man who was able to hang like a rock star in Vegas getting drunk on the back of an inflatable swan, all the while never missing a single OTA.

Patriots debunk Bill Nye The Science Guy’s theory by stuffing him in locker

After the New England Patriots declared they didn't alter their footballs in any manner and attributed the fluctuations in pressure to cold temperatures, skeptics pounced. One such individual was Bill Nye, noted thermal engineering expert and all-around creepy genius, who claimed that the explanation given by the Patriots was an absolute scientific impossibility.

Redskins’ owner finally sees the light, changes the name to Washington Murder Hornets

Washington Redskins Dan Snyder has come around on his team's controversial name. “We realize that the name ‘Redskins’ is bad, offensive and hurtful.” said Snyder. “We want to turn...

Stanton sprains thumbs removing facemask, to be assigned mask ‘caddy’

We've all heard stories of freak accidents involving routine activities, but Yankees slugger Giancarlo Stanton is still shaking his head in disbelief.

Yanks sign Pavano to two-year stint on DL

"This was a no-brainer," said Yankees GM Brian Cashman. "The inactive roster poses a challenge to any professional athlete, and Carl has already demonstrated that he is uniquely capable of dealing with the pressures of inactive roster occupancy. He's also intimately familiar with the hospitals in the New York metropolitan area."

Swisher vows to hit his weight again next post-season, quietly adopts strict diet

On the heels of another dismal post-season at the plate, New York right fielder Nick Swisher offered assurances to Yankee fans concerned with the club's puzzling move to exercise his $10.5 million option for 2012.