Blackhawks forward Hossa admits radioactive spiders were large part of rehab
Suspicions were confirmed during a recent game, when Hossa scurried over a glass wall and into the penalty box without opening the door.
Cubs plan for Wrigley includes ‘retro’ look of multi-purpose domed stadium
The Cubs announced today the long-awaited plans for the rehab of Wrigley Field. The renovation calls for a retro look going back to the 1960s, including a dome and the use of AstroTurf.
Tony Campana’s Canadian supermodel summer camp girlfriend also found to be fake
"We met at baseball and modeling camp one summer," said Campana in a statement. "She just couldn't visit last year because she was in some movies and underwear commercials."
Lovie Smith anxiously awaiting chance to join FOX’s NFL Pregame crew
"I think I'd be a great addition to the team," Smith morosely told reporters. "I mean, I can picture it now. Curt, Mike, Howie, Terry, Jimmy, and myself. All cracking jokes. Jokes about football. Oh, how they would laugh."
Hilton replaces Cubs Convention with less depressing mortician conference
"Oh man, these funeral directors are way more cheery than those clowns from the Cubs Convention," said Hilton bellman Steve Jones. "Every year you'd see the same dead-eyed Cubs fans walking around in Mark Grace jerseys convincing themselves this was finally the year. It's great to be done with that crap."
Convention Update: Cubs fan and horrible bar food lover to hit up Kitty O’Sheas...
"I know people call it 'Shitty Okays,' but something about terrible overpriced bar food really gets to me," said David Stibe, from Davenport. "Even though the Convention isn't there this year, I just feel like I have to stop by for a $14 corned beef sandwich, hockey puck that it is."
Bears fans concerned about Trestman’s lack of meatball appeal
"Dis Tress-man guy seems a little too Canadian for my liking," said Little Village resident Gus Plutowski. "I bet up there, they can't even hit guys no more. How is dis Tress-man going to keep dis team intense like Butkus used to play? And a law degree? My buddy Sal's a cop, he ain't so smart."
