After 28 years, the Cubs have relocated their annual winter fan festival from the Chicago Hilton and Towers to the Chicago Sheraton Hotel & Towers. At first glance, the move would appear to have been a blow to the Hilton, but staffers there couldn’t be happier with the National Association of Morticians Conference that’s replaced the Cubs Convention.

“Oh man, these funeral directors are way more cheery than those clowns from the Cubs Convention,” said Hilton bellman Steve Jones. “Every year you’d see the same dead-eyed Cubs fans walking around in Mark Grace jerseys convincing themselves this was finally the year. It’s great to be done with that crap.”

Added Jones: “I feel sorry for those schmucks over at the Sheraton.”