Sunday, June 26, 2022

Goodell picks Des Moines to host 2016 Super Bowl

Buoyed by his perceived success of placing the world's biggest single-game league championships in the middle of a small, snowy Midwestern town, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell this morning announced that he has selected an even smaller, snowy Midwestern town to host the 2016 Super Bowl.

Red Sox CEO will personally ruin your dinner plans as Theo compensation if he...

“We all have to bear this time of transition together,” said Ricketts. “Also, to be clear, he’s only getting the names of Cubs fans we haven’t already sold to advertisers. Ten-thousand of you are named ‘Reebok’ now, by the way.”

Financially-strapped Forte unable to buy $6 million home

“Man, things are tough all over,” Forte said. “This recession’s really hitting me hard. All I got to my name is a three-bedroom condo in Streeterville, a 4,000 square-foot oceanfront house in South Beach, a gated-community residence in Atlanta next to a golf course, and 17 cars — five of which are used."

Cubs players allowed cell phones on field to refute internet trade rumors

In the wake of Monday’s events – during which Ryan Dempster himself cut down wild trade speculation shortly before the Cubs played in Pittsburgh – the Cubs’ front office has deemed it necessary for players to have their cell phones on them at all times. If only to prove where they are.

Cubs re-sign errorless Alfonso Soriano for another eight years

“Even though I always pull him for defensive purposes in the eighth inning, I appreciate Alfonso catching everything hit to him,” skipper Dale Sveum said. "We're excited to have him on our roster until he's well into his mid-40s."

NFL schedule revised to utilize entire week

To alleviate much of the physical burden levied on the shoulders of players under the intense scheduling, teams will play one quarter 7 times a week.

Patrick Kane to choose international lockout team based on best bar scene

“Yeah, I plan on playing in Europe this year,” the star winger said. “But you know, why make a decision now? Why not just go and live it up like I’m Mr. Smirnoff? That way I can test drive the team and the city. Who has softer bar tops to pass out on, Moscow or Stockholm?"