In an effort to make greater use of the calendar and rake in more money, the NFL is scrapping its current schedule in favor of scheduling games every day, like in baseball. To alleviate much of the physical burden levied on the shoulders of players under the intense scheduling, teams will play one quarter 7 times a week. Teams that play only 6 quarters per week will be considered “bye” teams for that week.

The NFL scheduler who dreamed this up has been elected to his own wing in Canton’s NFL Hall of Fame.

“Why sellout once a week when we can sellout for the same game four times a week?” is the prevailing question asked rhetorically by team owners.

Four times everything appeals to Commissioner Roger Goodell, who says that ticket prices per quarter will remain the same as ticket prices per game.

The scheduling, although brilliant, isn’t too significant a stretch from the current NFL schedule that in recent years regularly pencils in Thursday games, and the opener this year was played on a Wednesday.

Although network television executives are happy to know that hit shows won’t be preempted anymore by long games requiring four quarters, and that fiascos such as ‘The Heidi Bowl’ are guaranteed never to happen again, they initially balked at the proposal because the overload of sports programming didn’t jibe with TV’s fare of sitcoms, dramas and reality programming.

“That’s when we decided to redefine NFL telecasts as reality television,” said Seth McFarlane, creator of Fox’s The Family Guy as well as the voice behind every one of its characters.

“The NFL has always had doubleheaders, but a doubleheader now will consist of two teams battling for two quarters,” Chris Noth of CBS’s The Good Wife said.

“One quarter of the doubleheader will be played in the afternoon,” Goodell said. “The stadium will then be emptied and the second quarter will commence at night.”

Fans were outspoken on the revised scheduling, but since the NFL has never catered to fans, their comments weren’t noted.

By Rob C. Christiansen