Sport

"It took our entire postseason run, but we finally found a way to 'Keep the Red Out," said Predators PR manager Bubby Brisco, Jr. "Ya'll Yankees think you can outsmart us, but ya'll was wrong."

“It’s the logical next step, Economics 101,” owner Tom Ricketts declared while addressing reporters outside Wrigley’s Captain Morgan Club. “If our fans, the greatest fans in the world, want a beer with a slice of baseball then, by gosh, we’re going to give them a beer with a slice of baseball. For a nominal fee."

Soto, who has had legal troubles off the field with marijuana, was seen walking into the White Sox clubhouse wearing dark tinted sunglasses and carrying two extra large pizzas and a Pink Floyd album.

Bryant’s agent, Scott Boras, renegotiated the third baseman’s contract to include a selection of magazines and newspapers that will be housed in his client’s new commode.

"Ya'll think ya'll can just come in our town, drink our beer, dance at our honky-tonks and cheer for your Blackhawks like ya'll was at ya'lls stadium," said Predators PR manager Bubby Brisco, Jr. "But let me tell ya'll something: That ain't how it's gonna be."

In keeping with the tradition of being part of a team that hasn’t had too much success in the past eight years, Cubs owner Tom Ricketts is ditching the Cubbie blue to join the boys in red.

Some off-the-field distractions have left fans of the team feeling a little bit frustrated and despondent. Thankfully, a new PR campaign generated by the Cubs brain trust has totally turned any negativity around and generated what many people are calling the happiest, most wonderful, feel-good success story in the history of social media.