In keeping with the tradition of being part of a team that hasn’t had too much success in the past eight years, Cubs owner Tom Ricketts is ditching the Cubbie blue to join the boys in red.
No, not the Cardinals, but the Republicans as Ricketts is reportedly leaving the Cubs to pursue a political career as presidential nominee, Ted Cruz’s body double.
Ricketts, who bears a striking resemblance to Cruz, says that he is excited for the opportunity, and the fact that he’ll “never have to step foot in Chicago’s largest urinal ever again.”
“I’ve always wanted a career in politics,” said the 51-year-old billionaire. “Although I’m not quite old enough, I am rich and white, so the Republican party just seemed like the natural choice to me.”
Of course, looking like Cruz’s long lost twin brother helped with the decision.
“I’m excited to have him on board,” said Cruz. “He’s a team player with a lot of loyalty, and he’s just one of those guys who will put his body on the line and take a bullet for somebody … literally.”
Luckily for both Ricketts and Cruz, they can connect over their love for baseball.
“You know, that’s the one area where we disagree,” said Cruz. “Tom is obviously a Cubs guy at heart, but I’m more of a Blue Jays and Expos guy myself.”