NFL

4 – New England Patriots Bills players carry “D” coordinator Jim Schwartz off the field for a second straight week, but this time they carry him to a dumpster after Tom Brady (361 yards/4 TDs) scorches the Buffalo secondary in a 37-22 Pats pounding. Every Buffalo DB is treated for second degree burns after the game.

With the team going through yet another dismal season, it’s harder than ever for fans to dig deep and do what they do best, which is dress up in crazy outfits and gang tackle innocent men and women foolish enough to wear the other team's colors, or yellow SECURITY jackets, to home games.

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Mr. Weathers, despite playing only eight career NFL games, was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.

“Look guys, it’s really simple," said Ryan. "My Dad coached the Bears. They had a good defense and we have a good defense. Rex played for the Bears and almost beat Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl. 2006 Grossman is due. Plus, his name is Rex, and my name is also Rex.”

Monday morning quarterbacks throughout Chicago were busy analyzing the Bears' heartbreaking 31-24 loss to the Panthers Sunday and everyone agreed on one thing.

“We love Tom Brady. 100 percent of our Patriots coverage last week was taken out of context.”

Claiming the league's new domestic violence policies are working, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that a record 48 straight hours have elapsed since a player was arrested for injuring a spouse or girlfriend.