It’s been a rough 12 years for Raider fans. The franchise with the now ironic logo of “Commitment to Excellence” has fallen on some very hard times. In the past, that hasn’t stopped Raider fans from rallying behind their team and leading the league in every measurable category that matters–to Raider fans. These include both home and away mayhem, violence against team buses, and the timeless classic: public intoxication charges. Raider fans have always cared immensely about their overall SBR (stabbing to beatdown ratio).

Until now.

With the team going through yet another dismal season, it’s harder than ever for fans to dig deep and do what they do best, which is dress up in crazy outfits and gang tackle innocent men and women foolish enough to wear the other team’s colors, or yellow SECURITY jackets, to home games.

Even with the bright lights of the cell phones, knowing full well that a vintage beatdown will garner dozens of views on YouTube, Raider fans says it’s just not the same.

To quote a man whose social security identification card only says “Petey the Pain Train”:

“In years past I couldn’t wait to get to the stadium and unleash hell on anybody who wasn’t down with the silver and black. Now, I can barely find the energy to throw a family of Bronco fans off the back of the Stadium. Hell, I remember even chucking a bottle of beer at John Elway during an overtime game in Los Angeles back in 1991. Now it’s a miracle if I break that bottle in half and shank the Chiefs fans sitting three rows ahead of me.”

Although fans are down and fully aware that the team just isn’t getting better, there is some cause for hope. The 49ers are coming to town later this year, and if there’s anybody out there who can get a Raider fan to violate his parole in front of his girlfriend and her respective children, it’s a 49er fan who Raider fans will tell you is begging to be run over by the customized retrofit GTO that Raider fan “Sherman the Punchy Killer” drove up from La Puente, CA to “wreak hell on all those haterz because that’s what Snake, Tooz and Tatem would want me to do.”