Pittsburgh mascot inserted in lineup in order to draw fans
“We went with Parrot because he won’t scare kids away, like Captain Jolly possibly might,” said the team's head of marketing.
Eleven members of Cubs organization indicted for taking bribes from broom industry
“Yes, the Cubs are being paid to get swept,” said Chicago city attorney Mark Williams. “From the inexplicable managing decisions to the horrendous errors to grooving meatballs down the center of the plate for Albert Pujols, it’s all one giant conspiracy being funded by people who want to sell more brooms.”
Jeter on pace for 3,000 hits sometime in June 2014
The Yankees shortstop has been progressing extremely slowly toward the milestone, averaging just 1.2 hits per month this season.
Neuter Your Pet Night goes horribly wrong for Joey Cora
White Sox bench coach Joey Cora was recently the unfortunate victim of a U.S. Cellular promotion gone wrong.
MLB debt violation due to Todd Ricketts spending too much on Cubs company card
Among other frivolous purchases, Todd uses team corporate card to spend almost a million dollars on a private performance of Charlie Sheen’s Torpedo of Truth tour for all the Cubs players, $500,000 on a motivational speaker he found on the internet and $100,000 on a supply of bats that turned out to be corked.
After slew of injuries, Cubs regret insulting that Gypsy woman during Spring Training
As Aramis Ramirez took a baseball to the face requiring stitches in the June 1st loss to the Houston Astros, his name was added to a list of unfortunate or freak injuries to befall Cubs players that management is attributing to a Gypsy woman the team slighted during a Spring Training game.
Creationists demand Darwin Barney trade
A leading Creationist organization, the Bible Truth Society, today threatened the Cubs with a boycott if second baseman Darwin Barney is not immediately traded.
