Todd Ricketts has always been referred to as the “other” Ricketts brother. He’s been overshadowed by Tom ever since he was a kid, giving him the reputation as the black sheep of the family. His appearance on Undercover Boss added to this reputation, but his actions with the Cubs’ finances have solidified it.

“Unfortunately, Todd has racked up insurmountable debt on our Cubs American Express Business Card,” said Tom Ricketts in an explanatory press conference. “The whole country saw his carelessness with the hot dogs on Undercover Boss; it looks like he’s applied those same tactics to our organization’s finances. We all suspected that he was adopted growing up, and we’re still questioning that theory to this day. What else can I say other than…that’s Todd for you.”

Todd Ricketts was supposed to use the card to purchase necessary items for the team, like baseballs, mitts, and other assorted equipment. Instead he went spend-crazy, using the card to purchase anything and everything, including: almost a million dollars on a private performance of Charlie Sheen’s Torpedo of Truth tour for all of the Cubs players; $500,000 on a motivational speaker he found on the internet, who turned out to not even be a real person; $100,000 on a supply of bats that turned out to be corked; $250,000 on promoting and purchasing of a day’s supply of O’Doul’s for the failure that was Wrigley’s Annual Non-Alcoholic Beer Day; and an undisclosed amount on leather boots and accessories.

The crushing debt caused by Todd is just another thing that is piling on the Cubs in what is turning out to be a dismal season. Tough decisions have to be made. Things are so tight that Joe Ricketts, Tom and Todd’s father, has decided he will come in to straighten things out.

His first move of business – deciding whether or not to disown Todd. No decision has been made yet, but for now, Todd will be grounded and must stay in his room without TV, internet, phone, and certainly no Cubs American Express Business Card.

By Michael Kloempken

Michael Kloempken