“Vikings? Really? I mean, you ever seen a guy with horns on his head?” said Peterson. “Seems crazy to me. Don’t believe in it. And taxes. Taxes, too. But that’s because it’s against my religious beliefs, or something.”
“We may have made a mistake,” said Putin. “What person would not want to grab this man by his face and kiss both cheeks more times than normal social etiquette would call for?”
“We are awarding Kristin this degree for her ability to play the faux-brainiac,” said college director Bobo the Hobo. “The depth of her make-believe knowledge is unmatched. She has pretended to read many comically oversized books.”
"I know Donald Sterling is a racist and a horrible human being," said Musberger . "With that said, the awesomeness of his super-smokin’ hot girlfriend must not go ignored.
TMZ is reporting that embattled Clippers owner Donald Sterling was gloating after his interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper.
Toews has reportedly agreed to sell his story to the popular Discovery Channel show Naked and Afraid. Toews' series will be titled Clothed and Depressed and will focus mainly on his fishing, sleeping late, and refusal to return to the rink interspersed with longing sighs.