Shortly after @cRayofHope tweeted “I was just in line behind Jonathan Toews at the army surplus store of all places. If anyone cares he’s going on a two week camping trip,” the news broke on the Internet that @cRayofHope was partially mistaken. The Chicago Blackhawks phenom wasn’t just going on a two-week camping trip. He was going camping for good.
“I don’t deserve to live in Chicago,” Toews said. “I let my team down. I barely deserve a tent. And I definitely don’t deserve to shave.” Already, his scruff was growing back, frightening small children.
Toews has reportedly agreed to sell his story to the popular Discovery Channel show Naked and Afraid. Toews’ series will be titled Clothed and Depressed and will focus mainly on his fishing, sleeping late, and refusal to return to the rink interspersed with longing sighs. Hawks coach Joel Quenneville is rumored to make a surprise appearance in episode three (The Tent Falls Down) to plead with Toews to either move his tent from behind the United Center or come back to the team.
There is no word on how the series will end, but rumor has it that it’s a nail-biter! Tweet @The_Heckler and share how you think the series will conclude.