With the first two days of the World Cup officially completed, and festivities well under way, the Brazilian government has a very special announcement to make: their prostitutes are ready to handle the 2014 World Cup.
With the eyes of the world upon them, the people of Brazil can proudly tell the 600,000+ spectators and the billion fans watching the World Cup that if you come to Brazil, there are more than enough hookers, street-walkers and paid escorts to help you enjoy your stay.
Sure, the stadiums are hazardous and not up to code, and the subway system is shockingly incomplete, and the protesters and rioters outside of each venue increase your chances of getting tear-gassed, shot with rubber bullets, stabbed or just generally mugged, and beaten.
However, when all is said and done, if you need a rub and tug outside of a favela in Sao Paolo, or a breakfast massage at Carneval in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil is ready for you.
FIFA president Sepp Blatter, a man who thought it would be a good idea to stage the 2022 World Cup in Qatar amidst 122 degree temperatures, praised the readiness of Brazil’s prostitutes in a statement to the media.
“We at FIFA support each and every one of the Brazilian callgirls who are here to make the World Cup a more enjoyable experience for everybody. We are especially grateful for the 250 prostitutes that were allocated to FIFA officials and will be on stand-by at our hotel, the Best Western Belo Horizonte.”