Breaking!

The Chicago Crosstown Classic series opened Monday concurrent with a critical Blackhawks-Red Wings Game 6, and Chicago sports fans remained unaware of Jeff Samardzija's accomplishment as they were glued to their televisions everywhere watching the showdown between the Blackhawks and the Red Wings.

“The runner was safe by two feet,” admitted Hernandez after calling the Sox’ Alex Rios out on an inning-ending double-play in the 10th inning. “I figured it would be a good time to really piss off Hawk Harrelson."

“He can’t do any worse than what we got now,” manager Dale Sveum said after learning the 6’6”, 235-lb. right-hander would be joining his team. “Besides, ‘Feldmania’ is over, so why not try something new?”

“She said that eight-legged creatures would rain from the sky,” said UC employee Sam McAllister. “Sounded like gibberish to me. Then she yelled something about the Hawks never winning as long as the zebras ruled the land. I laughed. It makes me cry a little to think that I laughed.”

"To know that the Bears were so appreciative of my efforts is really something else," said Spaeth, now with the Steelers after playing for Chicago in 2011 and 2012. "I only caught three TD passes in my two seasons with the team, but I guess that's all you need to make a name for yourself on a franchise that's been so lacking in the tight end department for decades."

"When I was with the Lakers, they always told me that I could have ice cream after I ate my vegetables," the 6'11'' center told reporters. "I hate broccoli! It's gross. I wanted to eat a pint of rocky road for dinner, and they never let me."

Born in the town of Englewood, McGuire told entertainment television show TMZ. “I just can’t hide it anymore. I’m a true Jersey boy. Even worse, I now live in Connecticut.”