As the NBA offseason looms, perennial All-Star Dwight Howard has announced his intention to test the free agency market after a disappointing season with the Lakers that was mired by underperformances, injuries, and closed-door meetings with management where Howard voiced his frustration with Mike D’Antoni’s coaching style.

Howard announced his free agency, informing media sources that he is willing to listen to offers from any team in the league. While he wishes to be on a team that would properly utilize his talents to help build a consistently contending franchise, Howard stressed that his primary requirement is that he sign with a team that lets him eat ice cream for dinner.

“When I was with the Lakers, they always told me that I could have ice cream after I ate my vegetables,” the 6’11” center told reporters. “I hate broccoli! It’s gross. I wanted to eat a pint of rocky road for dinner, and they never let me, so if there was a team cool enough to let me eat dessert for dinner, I would sign with them in a heartbeat.”

Sources speculate that Howard might end up signing with the Dallas Mavericks after Mark Cuban offered Howard an unlimited supply of banana splits, atomic warheads, and chocolate milk whenever he wants them.

By Jeff GoodSmith

Jeff GoodSmith