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“The responsibilities of the Board are awesome in nature,” Limbaugh said in a university press release. “The Board sets the curriculum for teaching arrogance to new Notre Dame students, and works with school officials to weed out anyone on campus who might show the slightest bit of humility.”

Aside from a few local personal appearances and sports commentary gigs on national television, Guillen has done little to occupy his time. He told a local radio station that his days are spent mostly watching television. ”I love the Maury Povich Show. I can spend hours trying to figure out who’s the father.”

In a true gesture of thanks, Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel sent personally signed helmets to NCAA officials after the governing body suspended the Heisman Trophy winner for the first half of the Aggies’ opening game of the season.

Cutler’s mixed drink, the “ruby slipper fuzzy navel tanqueray and lady lemon juicy fizz sweetie blast,” will also raise money for charity, with over 10% of the proceeds going towards the 2014 Lake Bluff Girls Debutante Ball.

"Bruce Smith used to give me nightmares," said John Elway. "Clowney makes Bruce Smith look like Bruce Jenner. And not the Bruce Jenner from back when he was winning decathlons. Bruce Jenner from now who looks like a corpse. That's how good Clowney is."

With the enthusiasm of an accountant at a chapter 13 hearing, Sandberg told Cubs.com that he is committed to learning to speak in sentences of more than six words in length, show a hint of a reflection in his otherwise monotone voice, and flash an occasional smile.

“Winning isn't everything,” Cubs president Theo Epstein said. “It was just an option.”