Breaking!

"I'm just like any other bully, completely insecure about how small my dick is," said Incognito. "A lot of people try to understand why I'm such a jerk, but it all boils down to the way I feel about the size of my penis."

“I like to use different colored markers to represent forwards, center and the defensemen,” said Quenneville. “I usually have a few of each color stashed here and there: in my suit coats, at the desk, in the sock drawer at home. But I can stop anytime. I only do it, you know, before games. Sometimes after.”

"This is bulls*@$!," Rex said groggily to the unnamed writer. "We're 5-4, I know it! No way they can fire me if we're 5-4, right? Let's go get a goddamn snack!"

"McCown was awesome," Greenblatt gushed. "I mean, Forte was also awesome, and so was that offensive line, but McCown, man, he was something else. Our backup guy was so much better than the Packers backup guy."

After Super Bowl MVP Aaron Rodgers went down with a shoulder injury in the first quarter of Monday's loss to the Bears, friends of former franchise quarterback Brett Favre have told media reports that...

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Mr. Weathers, despite playing only eight career NFL games, was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.

After a weekend that saw Texans coach Gary Kubiak leave a game at halftime with a mild stroke, and Broncos coach John Fox take a leave of absence for heart problems, the healthiest and most physically fit coach in the NFL has suddenly become Andy Reid of the Chiefs.