Breaking!

The ticket scalping community is up in arms over the bad press the received over the weekend after Edgar I. Kim of Bolingbrook made news for his arrest after selling fake Blackhawks tickets. Numerous other scalpers have come forward to denounce the faux ticket-flipper.

Cubs GM Jed Hoyer was so impressed by the work Babe Ruth's 97-year-old daughter Julia Ruth Stevens did throwing out the first pitch at Wrigley Field on Friday, he immediately talked Theo Epstein in to signing her to be the new closer. Ruth Stevens was in town to help commemorate her father's famous "called shot" home run that helped crush the Cubs 1932 World Series dreams. The encounter could be just the thing the Cubs needed to solidify their incredibly sketchy closer's role.

"Do you even know what Hawkvision was?" he chided a commenter on Chicagosports.com. "I was paying 30 bucks a month to watch the Hawks before you were even born! Go back to rooting for the Cubs, scumbag!"

The basketball world was shocked Thursday when TNT analyst Steve Kerr spurned the Knicks' offer to be their head coach. Left flatfooted with no other candidates in mind, owner James Dolan hastily announced that Jackson will serve as the team's coach next year via Skype video chat.

"Yes, we are aware. We have spoken to him. It's not an issue. We as an organization want him to know he doesn't need to wear the 'C' in his personal life," said Blackhawks President and CEO, John McDonough. "If he wants to, that's okay, too. We support his fashion decision."

Still hoping to sign their star pitcher to a long-term contract, the Cubs are claiming a lack of the cash needed to do so. Rather than open up their own wallet, the team is turning to crowd-funding website Kickstarter to raise the money needed to re-sign Samardzjia.

TMZ is reporting that embattled Clippers owner Donald Sterling was gloating after his interview with CNN's Anderson Cooper.