Sport

Hours after dealing Jared Allen to Carolina and Jon Bostic to New England, the Bears are reportedly aiming to trade every other player to any other team.

Carl Weathers, master thespian and former Oakland Raider, watches every NFL game from his man cave to compile his weekly Power Rankings exclusively for Heckler readers. Mr. Weathers, despite playing only eight NFL games, was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1980.

"Why would I be shocked?" said long-time season ticket holder Anthony Scapaldi."He wouldn't pass to Stoudemire, Hardaway or Lin either."

“Deity is nothing new to baseball,” Maddon told reporters. “The Reverend Billy Graham hit 24 homers with the Washington Senators in 1957 and Bishop Desmond Tutu led the National League in steals in ’78 when he was with the Cardinals.”

"I appreciate the question, I really do," said Kane after reading a canned statement. "But I'm only here to discuss hockey, not my excessive wrinkles, thinning hair and sunken facial features."

1 – Oakland Raiders: There’s a little Black Hole in my heart today after the Raider rally fell short Sunday but the Men of Black remain #1 based on strength of schedule, RPI, FPI and PSI (think about that, Pats!). Matt McGloin & Marcel Rece hook up for two TD combos vs. Cincy after Derek Carr suffers a first half TKO.

After a closer-than-expected loss to the Green Bay Packers on Sunday, Bears fans were seen storming Soldier Field to celebrate losing by only eight points after notably losing 55-14 to the same team last year. As the crowd triumphantly surrounded the Bears, members of the team were seen spraying each other with champagne in celebration.